i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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