Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
how does that bad decision feel?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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