What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
