My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
