I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
