The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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