im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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