He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions