I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
