Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
