I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
