I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You can't motorboat a personality
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
