I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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