i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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