thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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