I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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