how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
