had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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