Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
