he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
