We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
