I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
