My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
