What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
