i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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