I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Randomize
