Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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