i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
