toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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