Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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