Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
