Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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