Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Two words: nipple clamps
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