This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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