I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
