i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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