it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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