I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
