MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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