its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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