if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
