last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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