went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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