I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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