I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
