He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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