you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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