Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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