Please, let me fuck your mom
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
