i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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