Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My pussy is not your playground.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
