he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
