It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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