I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize