I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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