This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's always time for handjobs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
