i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
