3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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