we have pet lesbian snakes
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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