dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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