she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
