So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
