He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
