I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
